Thoughts on the day before Thanksgiving

Sometimes a person can really be shocked about what life throws their way. Moving from CA to Alaska, graduating college, new relationships, losing old relationships, writing a thesis. All of these and much more are part of life and you have to deal with them as they come.

I use to think that I could handle just about anything that was thrown at me. But maybe I was just thinking of the academia world. Now that I am about to end life as I know it in academia, I will really have to face the real world. Allow me to elaborate…

Going to college 3,000 miles away from where I had spent every waking moment of my life was a pretty big thing for me. I thought it was going to be the biggest, as it turns out it isn’t. After freshman year I learned that I am still living a in a very tiny bubble. Larger then when I lived at home, but still a bubble. I don’t have to cook my own meals, I don’t have to pay bills, I don’t have to drive places or get gas. The only responsibility I have is getting my homework done and attending many club meetings. No job, no boss to report to, no lunch breaks, etc. I am not out there in the real world yet.

The more that I think about this concept the more I run away from it. I have no idea where I will be this time next year and it scares the hell out of me. Will I be CA? Will I be at a job I know how to do? Will I be making enough money? Will I be happy? In high school when I was making the decision to come back east to school I always had plan “B”, going back home. That option is now gone. I mean, I know that my parents will be there for me in every capacity, but I won’t be able to return home like I have in the past. I won’t work in Lancaster I know, I could live there until I have saved up enough and then move closer to work. But I still don’t know that yet. Everything is so unsure at this moment and I can’t think about that fact.

Visiting family here for the holiday is wonderful and I love them so much and am so grateful for them. However the question is always asked, “So, Sarah, what are your plans for after graduation?” My answer is always the same, “Not really sure just trying to get through the semester.” Then as fast as I can I try to change the subject and move on. I can tell them what I hope will happen, what I have planned, but that may not work out. So I just don’t give details and hope that is enough.

I know that I am not the only person feeling like this, but it sure does feel that way sometimes. Going with the flow is something that I am really good at, however sometimes I like to swim up stream against the flow and that is where I run into problems. I guess for now I just have to get through finals and enjoy my time at home with my family. Think about the hard stuff after the holidays.

Just as a side note, this the brown couch that I may have mentioned in the past, as well as Buddy and my red robe. If I could just stay there and figure life out, it would be great!

This entry was posted on 26. November 2008 at 17:06 and is filed under Growing Up, Family, School, Daily. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.