14. January 2009 by Sarah.

It is amazing how a person can change the way they feel about certain things. For example, my last, first day of classes was on Monday. Did I make a big deal out of it? No. Did I have a special outfit? No. But I did for the first day of class in September. Go figure.

When I started thinking about why I didn’t make a big deal out of it, it hit me. I am growing up and have better things to worry about now. On top of that realization there were several other contributing factors.

I was on serious West coast time and my body was rebelling against me the entire day. Normally I would pick out an out fit and take pictures. Nope. I crawled out of bed 30 mins before my class started, threw my hair up into, what I can only recall as a bun mess on top of my head. Put on my UC Davis sweat shirt and Crocs. It also didn’t help that I only had one class, and that was silk screening so it really isn’t something you want to dress up for. But still, it came and went without any sort of added excitement.

I suppose this is when I have reached the cross road in my life were some things are just not as important as they use to be. When do people really like reaching crossroads in their lives? I know that I don’t but I have to embrace them when I come across them or I will never move on with my life.

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10. January 2009 by Sarah.

Tomorrow is my last day at home. I hate that day, I have this eeky feeling from the moment I wake up and it totally sucks. I walk around the house thinking, this will be the last time I do this or that and I have always thought that way. I don’t mind going back to school and I will be fine when I get there, getting there is key. Once I get back to school and go to class I will be fine. But saying good bye to everyone is the killer. Tonight I said good bye to a great friend who I will text and talk to as often as I do to my parents, but I had to say good bye and we are both terrible at good byes. Still it is hard and sucks, but it is part of life and I have to grow up and stop complaining about the fact.

Mom and I are going to the movies in the morning and then I will have to pack up and get my room back in order. Walk Buddy and spend some bonding time with the brown couch. I will also sleep in for as long as I can and soak up the feeling of my own bed that I will miss so much. So now before I kill my keyboard with tears, I shall go and probably the next time I blog will be from school.

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26. November 2008 by Sarah.

Sometimes a person can really be shocked about what life throws their way. Moving from CA to Alaska, graduating college, new relationships, losing old relationships, writing a thesis. All of these and much more are part of life and you have to deal with them as they come.

I use to think that I could handle just about anything that was thrown at me. But maybe I was just thinking of the academia world. Now that I am about to end life as I know it in academia, I will really have to face the real world. Allow me to elaborate…

Going to college 3,000 miles away from where I had spent every waking moment of my life was a pretty big thing for me. I thought it was going to be the biggest, as it turns out it isn’t. After freshman year I learned that I am still living a in a very tiny bubble. Larger then when I lived at home, but still a bubble. I don’t have to cook my own meals, I don’t have to pay bills, I don’t have to drive places or get gas. The only responsibility I have is getting my homework done and attending many club meetings. No job, no boss to report to, no lunch breaks, etc. I am not out there in the real world yet.

The more that I think about this concept the more I run away from it. I have no idea where I will be this time next year and it scares the hell out of me. Will I be CA? Will I be at a job I know how to do? Will I be making enough money? Will I be happy? In high school when I was making the decision to come back east to school I always had plan “B”, going back home. That option is now gone. I mean, I know that my parents will be there for me in every capacity, but I won’t be able to return home like I have in the past. I won’t work in Lancaster I know, I could live there until I have saved up enough and then move closer to work. But I still don’t know that yet. Everything is so unsure at this moment and I can’t think about that fact.

Visiting family here for the holiday is wonderful and I love them so much and am so grateful for them. However the question is always asked, “So, Sarah, what are your plans for after graduation?” My answer is always the same, “Not really sure just trying to get through the semester.” Then as fast as I can I try to change the subject and move on. I can tell them what I hope will happen, what I have planned, but that may not work out. So I just don’t give details and hope that is enough.

I know that I am not the only person feeling like this, but it sure does feel that way sometimes. Going with the flow is something that I am really good at, however sometimes I like to swim up stream against the flow and that is where I run into problems. I guess for now I just have to get through finals and enjoy my time at home with my family. Think about the hard stuff after the holidays.

Just as a side note, this the brown couch that I may have mentioned in the past, as well as Buddy and my red robe. If I could just stay there and figure life out, it would be great!

Posted in Growing Up, Family, School, Daily | 2 Comments »

24. November 2008 by Sarah.

This weekend was Mandy’s Bridal Shower Tea and Bachelorette party. Oh yeah I had a fun weekend. The tea was so cute and I love eating figure foods! I have pictures, but am to lazy to go and upload them at the moment. I will soon I promise. We played the typical bridal shower games. Even the “create the wedding dress out of toilet paper” game. We split up into teams and oh guess who won?!! Yep, my team won. I was the chosen one to get all dressed up. And we WON! I really don’t like losing, so I am glad we didn’t.

Then it was time for the bachelorette party. We started out with surprising miss Mandy by decorating her car and the apartment. Then we played some games, ate some food, then it was off to the bars! We started at Irish Alley and it was first time that I actually sat at a bar. Catherine, Alanna and I ordered Cosmos, which were incredibly strong, but yummy. Alanna and I were talking and she made the comment as she sipped on her drink, that she felt so much like a grown up at that moment. I do have to agree with her, there we were, one of our best friends getting married in two weeks, we were all dressed up, and drinking Cosmos at the bar. How could you not feel grown up? Then it was off to the Bistro, which was a bar with a live band, lots of people and I had an Appletini, which was so good! After that we called it a night and headed back to our rooms for some sleep.

I think we are growing up, and it is a little scary!

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